Pants
by Lil.Miss.Moonie
Summary: In which, surprisingly, Peter and Riley exchange pants, and Peter has no idea what's going on.


**A/N: I own nothing, except for Diann. *wink***

By the time Peter wakes up with his head aching something terrible and the bruises covering his arms throbbing painfully, he realizes his pillow smells like sweat and frustration and he isn't in his room anymore.

He's in Riley's.

And that's not usually good. The last time Peter woke up in Riley's room... Well, that's a different story.

But right now, Peter is waking up with aches and pains all over his body in a bedroom surrounded by trophies and posters of buff guys and trophies and work out equipment.

And, my god, this guy has a lot of trophies.

Just as Peter begins to wonder how much gold is in Riley's room, the reality of the situation hits him like a building. His mom is already worried about his drug problem. (Though technically, it wasn't a problem, being it lasted about half a week or so - but if Peter were to actually say that, he would sound like a giant cliche.) What would she think when she realized her son hadn't come home last night? He gets out of bed to find Riley, get a recap of what happened the night before, and transport to his house when he makes a sudden discovery.

His pants are _gone_.

As in, visibly nowhere in the room, without a trace, not on his body, not on his head.

For some reason, the word "incognito" pops into his head, though he's not sure why.

Because of the fact that there's a headache eating away at him, what Peter really wants is to call his mom, lie, and pass out on Riley's bed - even if the smell of his pillow is driving him psychotic. But if he did that, he knows he would never be allowed out of his house again. She he forces himself on his feet - wincing, of course - and staggers to the bedroom door, cracking it and peeking outside.

A hallway. How suspenseful. But he looks around to make sure no one is nearby anyway. When the coast is clear, he decides to head towards the staircase located conveniently on the other side of this long-ass corridor. After more staggering, and a showdown with the stairs, and a triumphant sigh when he reaches the bottom, Peter is almost ecstatic when he sees Riley on the couch, lazily watching some reality show that makes Peter glad he wasn't born in America.

Too tired to speak (and the fact that his throat is sore, too) Peter clears his throat and Riley becomes aware of his presence. And at first, there's this unmistakable, gut-wrenching look of panic and guilt on his face that makes Peter cringe and wonder even more what the hell he's doing in the house of his best friend, but the look vanishes just as fast as it appears and Peter's worries melt away at Riley's next words.

"Thank God, you're still alive."

And Peter gapes and hangs onto the banister while Riley makes his way toward the stairs. Normally Peter would stop - just for a moment - and take his friend in, wondering how someone so masculine and full of himself on the outside could actually be struggling with his sexuality on the inside. Well, actually, since counselling, Riley hadn't really been struggling as much as realizing who he really was. But saying Riley is totally under control now is like saying Peter is strong enough to never get hooked on any drug ever again. Because when Peter's life sucks, karma kicks his ass.

But now, with absolutely no memory of the last eight hours and a body covered in welts and scratches (which, Peter had begun to notice, were also all over his stomach and back), the only thing Peter could actually think of was a list of reasons he could be dead.  
Reason 1: I got attacked by a bear. _No, I would have way more than just scratches.  
_Reason 2: I got attacked by a squirrel. _Uh, squirrels don't bruise.  
_Reason 3: I got drunk and got into a fist fight. _I haven't touched any alcohol in a while...  
_Reason 4: I wonder if Riley had something to do with this...  
He's still stuck on reason four when Riley finally reaches him (god, he walks slow), yawns, and asks Peter is he wants to eat for breakfast.

That was _not _the first subject Peter wanted to discuss. He was thinking more along the lines of _Why am I in your house? _and_ What happened last night? _and probably something along the lines of _Where are my pants?!_

But his throat _really _hurts so Peter sums it all up in two words. "Dude, seriously?"

"Yes," Riley says with a blank stare. "Seriously. But your only options are cereal, fruit, or anything that can be toasted, because my mom left early and I don't feel like burning the house down."

Peter is speechless, so Riley just shrugs and strides into the kitchen, leaving a slightly broken Peter staring after him. A few minutes later,Riley pokes his head through the doorway, rolls his eyes, and asks, "Are you _coming_?" So Peter limps into the kitchen and reacts in time to catch a mango (??) that Riley carelessly tossed in his direction. He looks down at the mango in his hands, all soft and orange with a small round sticker on it. Then he looks back up on Riley, who happens to be leaning against the island, looking like Peter just decided to sleep over for no good reason.

Now, Peter is nauseous and feels like he's about to keel over, so he slides into one of the chairs by the tables, sighs, and figures he has no idea what to do with the mango. But before he can protest and/or toss it away, Riley speaks again.

"Don't bother throwing that out. They aren't in season, so you'll just be wasting money." Riley pulls another mango from the pantry besides him and scratches at the peel with his thumb nail. "Unless you want something else. We've got kiwis, persimmons, honeydews - my mom went on a whole freaky fruit rampage."

At this point, Peter is sick of all of Riley's crap. He has eight-hour amnesia and is covered in injuries and Riley's gabbing on about fruit. Fucking _fruit_. So Peter does the logical thing and starts talking through his sore throat, even though he's sure that at any point it could spontaneously combust.

"Why am I here? Why the hell did I wake up in your bed? Did a tornado hit or something"

And Riley laughs - rears back his head laughs so hard his shoulders shake. Yep, that's totally necessary. "Tornado, good one!" He wipes an imaginary tear from his eye and shakes his head. "I swear to God, that was funny."

"I'm not being funny, Stavros," Peter shot back, ignoring the burning sensation that just breathing too hard caused. "I want to know what happened last night. Really, dude, first of all, where are my pants?"

Great, more laughter. "Dude, you don't remember, _anything_, do you?"

"Actually, Riley, I remember everything, I just wanted to make sure it wasn't all a dream, or my imagination, or aliens trying to erase my memory and harvest my organs. You know, the works."

Peter thinks that last statement was funny, but Peter also thinks giraffe jokes are funny.

Giraffe jokes are not funny.

Riley shakes his head and responds with, "Alright, you want to know the truth?" Peter is tempted to be sarcastic again, but his throat won't let him, so he just nods. "_You _lost your pants."

He isn't sure his ears are working right, so Peter waits for Riley to repeat himself, and is shocked when it finally sinks through. He wants to ask how but his throat is a bitch.

"Remember last night? The party at Diann's? You know, _Diann_?"

No, Peter doesn't know _Diann_. He's just hoping that with the way the story is going now, he didn't accidentally hook-up with _Diann_.

As if he can read his mind, Riley shakes his head, "Don't worry she was way too busy lezzing out with some other chick to pay any attention to you." And then Riley raises his eyebrows mischievously. "I hooked up with someone, though. Someone seriously cute. You would approve."

Peter eyes Riley suspiciously, and even though his throat in burning, he manages to cough out a feeble, "Who?" When what he really wants to know is, A "s_he" someone or a "he" someone?_

"Different school, you wouldn't know," Riley shrugs and crosses the kitchen and to the refrigerator to pull out two water bottles. He tosses one to Peter, who inhales it immediately and throws the empty bottle into the trash. Sighing, and feeling refreshed, he asks Riley to loan him a pair of pants so he can go home before his mom calls the FBI, and is surprised to see Riley nod and stretch and head up the staircase.

He honestly expected some laughing and taunting and some _What kind of retard loses his fucking pants? You, man!_

But instead, he carefully walks his sore body back upstairs after Riley, and tenderly pulls on a pair of jeans his friend tosses in his direction, not surprised that they're a size and a half too big for him. Another thing occurs to him and he asks Riley, "Did I get in a fight, or something? 'Cause my body is killing me!"

And the look of panic returns to Riley's face so quickly Peter actually stumbles back a few feet.

"Um, yeah," he mutters, rubbing his neck and heading out the door quickly. "With some asshole from the other school. I think that's how you lost your pants or whatever."

But Peter is vigilant and stalks him out the door. "What, was I drunk or high? I can't remember shit."

Riley just huffs and hurries down the hallway quicker. "I don't think you knew all the drinks were spiked, or else you wouldn't have had that much in one night."

Peter can't help but feel that Riley is keeping something from him and is about to say something when Riley turns abruptly and mumbles something driving Peter home and he realizes if he doesn't get home soon, he'll be going to a Swiss boarding school.

So the two of them pile into Riley's car - which is very sexy and black but Peter's mind is reeling so much he can't even remember the name - and drive the few blocks to Peter's. The entire way, Peter can't stop thinking about the upholstery, how warm and comfortable and familiar it is - how he must have been in this car last night, because the last time he remembers being in an unfamiliar car was when he was still doing meth and had a major crash (which is _not_ something he likes to remember) and Riley, Derek, Danny, and Spinner (and Spinner's car) all had to rescue him from traffic.

The only problem is he had been in Riley's front seat before, and he had never gotten the same warm, familiar sensation it was giving him. As if, unconciously, he was remembering something; something that happened just ten or so hours ago. But Peter, feeling ashamed for being suspicious of Riley, figures it must just be the pants he's wearing. And when they pull up to the curb besides Peter's house, he takes his sweet time getting out, thanking Riley and asking him if he knows anything else about last night. But Riley just smirks and says, "What am I, your mom? I didn't follow you around all night."

But the way Riley says it makes Peter not so sure. He doesn't have time to think about it, though, because his mom is shrieking and crying and punishing Peter while she's hugging him and Riley drives away.

* * *

Later that night, just as Riley is ready to go to bed, he walks to his dresser, opens the third drawer, and moves several pairs of sweats out of the way to see a pair of black skinny jeans a size and a half too small for him. He picks them up, laughs, bites his lip, and puts them back into his drawer, closing it firmly.

He smiles through his sleep that night and wonders when Diann is going to have another party.

**Fin.**


End file.
